SCOTT, phineas noah

[noah scott]

phineas noah scott ,

seventeen , academy senior , outgoing .[/center]

I SWEAR I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE. REMIND ME, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

------ Phineas Noah Scott. I will kill you if you call me Phineas, Finny, Dorsal Phin, or anything remotely related to the name ‘Phineas’. Honestly, I don’t know why I was named Phineas. Well, no, scratch that, I do. It’s a family name, I guess; my father’s named Phineas, my grandfather’s named Phineas, and my great-grandfather’s named Phineas. All the boys of the Scott family have Phineas somewhere in their name. I think that’s pretty damn stupid, though. If I’m ever a father, and if my child is a boy, I’m going to name him something like Bob. Okay, maybe not Bob – but certainly not Phineas. What does it mean? Hmm. I think it’s derived from a Hebrew name that means ‘oracle’. That’s great. I’m named after Delphi or something lame like that. I go by Noah. Noah was Allie’s lover in The Notebook. No, just kidding. Noah’s biblical too – and no, I don’t have an ark in my backyard, you can shush – and I think it means ‘motion’. I don’t know what ‘motion’ has to do with me, but I’d rather be that than ‘oracle’. And, wouldn’t you know it, ‘Scott’ means ‘someone who comes from Scotland’. I’m Scottish somewhere, but my family’s been in Brighton for quite a while.

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YOU'VE GOT ME WONDERING. HOW MANY CANDLES DID YOU BLOW OUT ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY CAKE?

------ Seventeen. My birthday cake was a cookie cake. Some call it childish, I call it one big circle of sugary awesomeness. I was born on November 23rd, which I guess is an okay day to have a birthday. It’s nothing special, though. Oh, except apparently it’s Miley Cyrus’s birthday…?

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YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. HAVE I SEEN YOU AROUND SCHOOL AT ALL?

------ Probably. I’m a senior at Stewart. School is decent – I don’t hate it, but I stand it.

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I HAVE A PRYING QUESTION. WHAT ARE YOU MORE INTO, GALS OR GUYS?

------ Girls!

NOW ON TO THE FUN STUFF. GOT ANY HOBBIES OR PASTIMES?

------ I absolutely love swing dancing. I go every Saturday at Swing City. It’s just a blast. You get your blood pumping and your body moving and it’s a lot of fun. People there know how to love music for what it is. Swing music is true music – it’s loud and in your face and exciting and everything all in once. I don’t remember when I started with swing, but I just know it’s a part of me now. It’s awesome. No, scratch that. It’s jawsome. Like Jaws and awesome combined!

I talk like the damn world’s going to end tomorrow. People tell me that’s a bad habit; talking a lot, I mean. I personally don’t give a flying fuck what they think. Most people are these stupid clones programmed by society to think that someone who talks a lot is weird. I bet they thought Einstein was weird, too, and Alexander Graham Bell. And both of them made people’s lives so much better. Bell gave us lights to organize our pollution machines and not run into each other and Einstein showed us that even if you are just a mass of uselessness, you still have energy. Or something? That all made sense in my head, I swear. Whatever.

I’m also kind of paranoid sometimes with germs. Okay, scratch that, all the time. You can trust me to be carrying a little bottle of hand sanitizer with me everywhere I go. I use it every time I open a door. I just really, really hate being sick. I wash my hands whenever I can. I used to be really OCD about it, where I had to wash my hands seven times every day at predetermined intervals. People found it kind of creepy. A lot of my friends tell me I’m breeding the super germ. There are millions of rhinoviruses, though, and we’re still using antibiotics, so germs are bound to be resistant anyway. I’m rambling? Shut up.

People in the plaaaace if you wanna get da-ownnnn putcho haaaands in the air, Will I Am drop the beat now! This is also another one of my habits. I sing, a lot. Not well, mind you, but I sing. Recently, I’ve been trying to sing like Fergie in that catchy new song ‘Boom Boom Pow.’ I frequently imitate Chris Martin in the shower. Don’t lie, you do it too. Maybe not with Chris Martin, but still. Everyone has their Shower Singer. Mine just happens to be Chris Martin. Yours may be Gwen Stefani, Jean-Jacques Goldman, or maybe Dora from Dora the Explorer. God, I hate her. Treating me like I’m stupid. I know where Coney Island is, Dora, you don’t have to tell me! IT’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

I also do pot. A lot. Well, frequently. Sometimes? I really don't know. I'm not addicted to it, though. I don't have to light up every day or else I'll start shaking. But if there's some at a party or something, hell yeah, I'll join in. I don't understand what's so bad about it. I'm all for legalizing marijuana. If you don't like it, don't do it. I like it so I do it. That doesn't mean I'm dumb, though. If I have a test to study for or an exam the next day, I'm not going to sit there and say 'fuck this shit' and light up. That's just stupid. A lot of people that I know who smoke are irresponsible and that's what gives potheads a bad name. Am I a pothead? I don't know. Don't really care, either. I do not carry kitchen utensils on my head, so I'm pretty sure I'm not. PEACE OUT.

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NOW, TELL ME ALL ABOUT WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

------ Laughter, girls with curly hair, water, the beatles, hand sanitizer, broccoli, math, pot, fudgesicles, winning, life, half-gallon ice cream cartons, working-class british accents, new zealanders, comedy, peace, classic rock, techno, classical music, swing, music in general, gift bags, the color navy, sneakers, vanilla ice cream, blueberry pancakes, movie references, thunderstorms, blankets, colors, ties, cologne, fish and chips, the smell of nail polish remover, cucumbers, green apples, books, energy, gingers, loaner phones, showers, alice in wonderland, 80s pop, catchy tunes, early Michael Jackson music, anthropomorphism, the phrase ‘hug it out, bitch’, his puppy Oliver, tightly-laced shoes, dark chocolate, anything poppable, people who don't create a self-serving image, thought, bubble wrap, food, philosophy, real people, real smiles, stretching, dogs, writing, burnt cheese on the edge of microwavable mac n cheese, life, dreams, the word ‘tundra’, people with nothing to prove.

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WHAT ABOUT THE STUFF THAT DOESN'T. WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE?

------ Germs, germs, germs, germs, school, large groups of people, collared shirts, people who have key chains hanging out of khakis, fakeness, competition for competition's sake, grades, spicy food, olives, cats, local commercials, heavy doors, smiling for pictures, high fives, time, liarbabyfakers, stereotypes, being a brit, folk music, cars, horses, facial hair, green cards, brain freezes, close-minded people, valentine’s day, anniversaries, organized religion, snuggies, hairspray, ben & jerry’s, fake girls, study guides, standardized testing, psychology as a profession, word count, one-ply toilet paper, jalapenos.

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I KNOW THIS IS HARD, BUT WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS?

------ Goals… I want to enjoy my life. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be and that kind of terrifies me just a little bit. I think I might want to be an engineer, though. A civil engineer, so I can make things that will actually help people. I really like math; it calms me down a lot. Usually I’m just like, ‘AHHHHHHHCOFFEEEEEEESUGARRR!’, but when you sit me down and make me do math, something just clicks. I think engineering uses the most math out of any profession, so I think I’d want to do that.

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TELL ME ALL ABOUT THE STUFF THAT GETS YOU SCARED OR ANNOYED, I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW.

------ Death, man. I’m scared shitless of it; I think everyone is. People who say they aren’t are lying. 99.9% of them, I mean. There’s the 0.01% of the population that’s not scared of death, and I commend them. It’s a hard fear to get over, and I doubt I’ll get over it in my lifetime. Or my deathtime. Is there such a thing as a deathtime? I’m not sure. Once you’re dead, you’re dead forever. At least, that’s what they say. I don’t believe in that, which brings me to my next point.

I’m really terrified of what happens after we die. I don’t believe that our heart just stops and we stop thinking and then everything’s over. That can’t be it. That’s too damn depressing to be right in the beauty of life. I have this feeling that when we ‘die’, we just get recycled, and we get born again as another being, whether it be a tree or a cockroach or a little bunny rabbit. I’m a firm believer in that, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared of what will become of me after I leave life as Phineas Noah Scott.

I’m also scared of snakes. My teacher put me in the desk by the class pet in 3rd grade… the pet was a snake. Why you would put a snake in the same room as third graders, I have no clue. Anyways, it would always freak me out. It always scared the heck out of me when I had to feed it, too, because it would slither over to where my hand was… ugh. Baddd memories.

What annoys me? Hmm. Well, reality TV annoys me. It's not even reality. And it's not even entertaining. In the immortal words of Chonga Chichi - "It duzzn't even mayk sanse." Which I, personally, think is very true. I don't understand how shows like 'The Real World' go on for ten or more seasons, or how more people will watch 'Survivor' than the news. Stuff is happening in the real world and people are more concerned about Jennifer acting like a bitch to some girl. It's stupid.

Another thing that annoys me is when people cough behind you and then don't cover their mouth, or they're sitting behind you and sneeze into your hair. Seriously, that's just gross. And then you don't know how to turn around and tell them to stop being such an Icklekins and it's just so awkward.

SINCE WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PARENTS.

------ My mom’s name’s Julie, she’s 47 and she’s a school teacher. She lives here. My dad is a lawyer, and he lives here too. His name’s Phineas – shocker – but he goes by Kent, his middle name. I have a good relationship with my parents, I suppose. We get in fights sometimes, but they’re nothing major. We moved here last year because my dad kept insisting. I still don’t know why we moved here, and I was obviously upset about it – he said something about ‘making more money in Pittsburgh’, even though we were fine in Brighton. I miss my friends a lot, but I’m doing fine here.

ARE THERE ANY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS CLOSE TO YOU, LIKE SIBLINGS?

------ JimJam, my little sister. Her name’s technically Jennifer, which my parents shortened to Jenny, which I shortened to Jen, and then to JimJam. Don’t ask me how I got JimJam from Jennifer, I just did. She’s six. I love her more than anything else in the world. She’s just the cutest little sister ever. She’s just like me, too – energetic, carefree, and totally freaking awesome. She’s the one big thing I’m going to miss when I leave for university.

WHAT ABOUT PETS? DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE?

------ Yes indeedy-do. We have a puppy, a little golden retriever named Bingo. We went to the pound not too long ago and JimJam picked him out and named him. She has the cutest story behind it, too – I play with her a lot, and we listen to music together sometimes. Her favorite Beatle is Ringo, but she’s never been able to say his name right so she always says ‘Bingo’. I have a dog, too, a husky named Ace. We got him from the pound, of course. We also have a cat named Ollie. Can you guess where we got him? I really don’t know why we have so many animals, but I’m happy. I love animals so it’s not a problem for me.

ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE? I CAN'T RECALL YOU SAYING SO.

------ Not so much. I’m from Brighton. It’s on the south coast of England.

NOW THAT WE'RE DONE HERE, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?

------ I want to meet Ellen Degeneres. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Even you will admit she’s freaking amazing. I watch her show all the time. I mean, hell, she’s the voice of my favorite movie character. Dory is like… me in a character’s form. What if we were all just character’s in God’s play? Am I being too philosophical? I don’t think I am. But seriously, Ellen is amazing. And she’s gay. Like, I don’t have this undying love for homosexuals, but I think that’s pretty cool that she’s found who she loves and is so open about it and takes everything in stride. I mean, God, if I met her, I’d just… hell, I’d faint and then start speaking to her in Whale.

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oh hey there! my name is alyssa and i've been roleplaying
for four to five years. i'm sixteen years old. yeah, i
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Grocery shopping, Adam was slowly beginning to realize, was infuriating. A second glance at the list – or, rather, novel, that his parents had thrown him – revealed that not just Honey Nut Cheerios were needed from the cereal aisle. For some reason, Count Chocula, the Trix Rabbit, Tony the Tiger, and Lucky the Leprechaun were invited to this party. Adam didn’t understand his parents’ reasoning behind this – since when would the most esteemed doctors and lawyers be consuming cereal at a party? The one party he’d been to with his parents – a lavish firm party thrown by one of his mother’s good friends – included the stereotypical tiny sandwiches and cocktail wieners on sticks. No self-respecting cardiologist was going to feed his guests cereal. Besides, the Kumars didn’t even eat any of the aforementioned cereals. Adam himself had never been much of a breakfast person, and his parents usually only ate “old-people cereal”. His mom liked Special K, his dad liked Raisin Bran, and Adam was extremely original by liking Cheerios.

A twinge of annoyance sparked within him and he angrily dumped a few more boxes in his cereal. As the boxes began to add up, Adam scowled. He really should have gotten a cart – no, a tow truck, or perhaps a ferry – to transport all these groceries to his car. He wasn’t quite sure how his Honda Civic was going to lug fifteen million years worth of food back to his house. His parents clearly hadn’t chosen their housing arrangements with a map of the city at their side, either. They’d somehow managed to choose a house in the part of the city farthest away from Shop n’ Save. While most Stewart students took a maximum of five minutes to get to the supermarket from their houses, it took Adam fifteen on a good day. It was almost as if his parents were trying to kill him with the bad radio, abundant air pollution, and road rage that ensued. Adam loved his parents, there was no doubt about that; he just sometimes wondered how they would ever survive without him. He could honestly say they hadn’t been to the grocery store once this year.

“This fucking cereal. Goddamn,” Adam muttered, grumbling to himself. It was only then that he heard the faint clicking of heels down the next aisle. Who on earth wears high heels to the grocery store? he found himself thinking, a faint trace of Lollia Breathe #19 tickling his nose. His lips inadvertently curved into a small smile and he turned, ready to embrace is favorite redhead in as tight of a hug as he could. He never wanted to let her go, never wanted to see her bright red hair disappear or her big, energetic smile fade. Right now, all he wanted was to hold her tight and see her smiling face. His smile twitching up into a grin, Adam spun around, only to face a row of cardboard boxes and her scent still lingering in the air.

His smile immediately faltered; shortly after, it collapsed completely, the lines of his usual facial expression etching themselves back into his skin. It was just dawning upon him how much he really cared about Audrey. When he wasn’t around, she was the typical partying, alcohol-buzzed wild child. When he was around, she seemed like a completely different person – someone more mellow, more genuine, and at certain times, more vulnerable. Adam loved the fact that Audrey could trust him, and that he was worthy enough to learn about her history. He was one of the few people who knew why she was so wild. He loved both sides of her, though. Her mellow side was psychological and more intricate, and her wild side was beautiful in a young, spirited way. Everything about her was absolutely perfect, and he hated that he’d just narrowly missed her. Or had he? He wasn’t very sure to begin with, but he could almost sense her there. Audrey was the only girl he knew who wore Lollita Breathe #19, and the only one with a distinct clicking of her heels when she walked. It had to be her.

She’s hiding from me, he decided, smirking slightly. Instantaneously, his shopping list had become the most obsolete part of his trip to Shop n’ Save. Finding Audrey in the maze of aisles and products was superior to buying groceries for his parents any day. She has to be close if I can still smell her, Adam mused, not actually realizing how insanely creepy he sounded. Pondering f or a moment, he was set on turning to left, which contained plastic cups and containers. That was until he saw the sign hanging above the aisle to his right, which read “candy and snack foods” in bright red letters. Well, a little snack never hurt anyone. Plus, she could be in that aisle, right? Right. Here we go.

Turning to his right instead, Adam entered the snack aisle. His entrance had worked to his advantage, he realized, after spotting Audrey a few feet in front of him, turned in the opposite direction. His smile slowly made its way onto his features again, and he could almost picture the simper on Audrey’s face as she waited for him to enter from the opposite end of the aisle. Taking a note of her outfit, Adam smiled. Typical Audrey, dressed perfectly from head-to-toe even when making a simple visit to the supermarket. For a moment he felt frumpy in his simple jeans and band tee, but he brushed the thought off and focused on how he’d approach his best friend. He had to do something different, something that would surprise her as much as she wanted to surprise him.

After a moment of thinking, he slowly advanced toward Audrey and wrapped his arms around her from behind, embracing her warmly. “Now, tell me – what’s a beautiful girl like you do all summer long? Avoid her favorite Asian like the plague?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. Ruffling up her hair slightly, he added, “I missed you. Where the hell have you been this summer?”

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