' and i don't wanna miss a thing

[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

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today hadn't been so much of a boring day. it was a sunday like any other when he usually left campus with addie to go visit his mother and step father for dinner since they lived in pittsburgh. he never undertstood why his parents sent him to boarding school when they lived in the city anyway. was he really that bad to be around? he had thought he had gotten along a lot better in the past few months, but maybe he was wrong. he was sent to the boarding school before addie was. she had a fairly normal life. sure, one of her friends had passed away but in skyler's point of view that was nothing compared to what he had gone through. then again, skyler had thought himself pretty selfish lately.

when he and addie got to the restaurant, everything had been going fine. they were chatting with their parents, addie was eating a salad instead of nothing, and skyler had been a lot more animated than usual. but for some reason, his parent didn't seem to see that. at least, that's what skyler thought, because within just a few minutes he was fighting with the two of them and addie was getting up to leave. something about get over taylor's death, it's only making your life worse. those were the only words skyler could comprehend before he was enraged. everything else was just a blur. he didn't really care that he was standing up and yelling at his parents across the table. that wasn't the point. the point was he was defending taylor. taylor who wasn't around. taylor who had died almost a year ago.

it scared him shitless that he was still defending her and going against people whenever they said he should get over it, considering the fact he still talked about her as if she was alive. sometimes he just forgot she was dead and dialed her phone, then remembered she was gone. skyler hated that about himself. he was always doing something stupid that involved taylor. sometimes he blamed himself for it. of course, he always blamed himself for her death, mainly for the fact that he should have noticed something was different about her. but for the fact that he thought of himself as mentally insane? that wasn't his fault. not in his mind. no, that was all taylor's fault. taylor who wasn't around. taylor who died almost a year ago.

it was her fault that she still haunted him all the time, and that he couldn't seem to get over her. it would be expected. skyler kind of wanted to fool around with a random girl, just to see if he was even capable of being with another, but then he would stop himself because he felt like he was cheating on taylor. taylor wasn't around. he had to remember that. now he felt completely stupid for pacing around the park back and forth, thinking about taylor. it wasn't like anyone was around, but still he felt completely and utterly stupid for it. taylor. he shook his head, pounding his fists into the pocket of his american eagle sweatshirt. he felt like he was ripping the seams of the bottom of the sweatshirt. he eased the pressure and glanced up, realizing he was about to run out of room to walk, so he turned on his heels and began to pace the other way.

he looked up at the sky. it was dusk, so the clouds were practically out of view. he kept pacing to try to blow some steam off. he was pretty sure if the ground beneath him wasn't capable of breaking, it would have already. he had been pacing for about an hour now. his feet were getting tired. he sat down in place, stretching his legs out in front of him and sighing with relief. his bones cracked into place and he leaned back on his elbows, focusing on a specific star in the practically blue night sky. it was shining brighter than the other. that had been one of the theories he used for taylor. she was brighter than most girls, she showed up in a crowd. this little star glowed in the night sky as if it was the only one there.

skyler thought about it for a moment. maybe that star was taylor. maybe it was a sign that she was still watching over him, and she hadn't gone to hell for taking her own life. of course she'd be watching over him either way, but that start just reminded him of something. he sat up slightly, pulling his cell phone out of his back pocket. he slid it open, going through the pictures that he couldn't bring himself to delete. he narrowed his eyes, sliding the phone shut angrily and tossing it into his sweatshirt pocket. he leaned back in the grass on his back, his hands under his head, staring at the little star.

i miss you, baby.

[/blockquote]
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LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 836
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

School was usually intriguing to Anastasiya. It was a breeding ground for things pure and fake, different cliques, and different situations. It was amazing for Ana to see different variables added into the equation every day, whether it be a boyfriend cheating on his girlfriend of two years, or a straight A student receiving a C- on a test, or a girl caught smoking up in the hallways. Nothing was constant and everything was changing. It was, at times, hard to keep up with. It was frustrating, the amount of breakups and makeups and catfights and all-around drama that happened at school. Even the most prestigious of academies – Stewart – had its fair share of drama. No, scratch that. Stewart was the epitome of drama, Anastasiya had come to find out.

Then again, things were considerably different here than in Russia. Everything seemed more… dramatic. Then again, Ana had never had a very solid foundation to base her opinions of Russia on. Her years there had been filled with anger and fear, for her parents and for herself. She’d gone through those few years in a blur, and everything there seemed very… calculated, almost. Everyone had the exact same books, the exact same tests, the exact same answers, the exact same lives. And no one ever dared say otherwise. Perhaps it was the aftermath of communism that did that, or perhaps it was the fact that her memories of Russia were monotonous and one-sided.

Here things were different. Here things were full of life, color, spontaneity. Anastasiya loved and hated that – she was a very precise person, one who liked measurements and rhythms and things that kept things constant. Through constant there was a way out and a way to succeed. Through constant there was one answer and one answer only and one either got it or didn’t. Constant was good, and constant could never change. According to this formula, spontaneity was bad. There were no constants to the experiment and everything was changing and that meant skewed results and a million different answers that Ana could never keep track of. But that was the beauty of living in a city so vibrant and lively – there were always new ideas surfacing, and with new ideas came progress. If there was one thing Anastasiya liked more than straight answers, it was progress. In that way Pittsburgh worked for her; her reasons shifted from time to time, but they still turned the odds in her favor.

Today was one of the rare days Ana didn’t enjoy school. Still, Pittsburgh was a great city to be in, so she’d decided to go for a walk. Initially, she’d been focused on dancing. Just her simple warm-up routine, she’d promised her roommate, nothing major. But then she’d gotten into it and had improvised, which had gotten her oh so very far: while en pointe, she’d lost her balance, reached for her desk to steady herself, and had instead fallen awkwardly on her arm. After visiting the nurse’s office, she’d been under orders not to dance for at least another week or two so as to allow her arm to heal. With a sigh and a roll of the eyes, Anastasiya had hung up her ballet shoes and had headed to the park for some fresh air. Lord knows she needed it to calm her nerves.

Entering the park, she’d decided early on that she wasn’t going to stay for very long. Just a quick stroll would do, because really, what else would she have done at the park? Perhaps if she’d come with a friend, there would have been more options, but she hadn’t, so there were none. Any other day she would’ve gone for a run and gotten her blood pumping – but today her arms hurt, even though she hated to admit it. She’d made a stupid mistake and now she was paying the consequences – a week off her daily routine and with nothing else to fill the void. As she started along the cement path, she began to wonder. What on earth would she do for an entire week?

After a few minutes of walking, Anastasiya realized why she’d hurt her arm. Well, it wasn’t a realization so much as fate dawning upon her, for five minutes into her excursion she spotted Skyler Hanson pacing nervously on the grass. Raising a brow, she stopped. What on earth was he so worried about? The first suspect in her mind was his late girlfriend. It seemed he was always talking about her, no matter what the topic of conversation was about. Anything and everything could relate back to Taylor in some way. While some found it annoying, Anastasiya understood his pain. She sympathized with him. As calculated and methodical as Ana was, she understood that humans had emotions and that those emotions took hold over everything else – including rational thought – in dire straits. She realized that his process of grieving wasn’t over and that he needed to accept her loss rather than forget it, like most people encouraged him to do.

Approaching the boy, Ana gave him a smile. “Hey Skyler,” she greeted warmly. “How are you?”

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 862
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

[/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER][/blockquote]

[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

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Skyler was whipped out of his little world whenever Ana came out of nowhere. He didn’t think he had been that zoned, but when her soft voice seemed to scare him shitless, he chuckled at himself. Skyler sat up, stuffing his hands in his pockets and turning to face Ana. He had always found Ana so pretty. It was odd for Skyler to see anything in a girl other than Taylor, but sometimes he found himself wanting to get to know other girls. It was like if he got to know other people, maybe all of this pain would fade. Maybe he’d be able to get over it. He was over it, he was sure of that. The thoughts just kept lingering. So maybe that meant he actually wasn’t over it.

He looked up at the girl standing next to him, offering her a gentle smile. Skyler pulled his hands out of his pocket, waving at her slightly. He didn’t think anybody else would come out to the park this late at night unless it was Addie coming to find him. That was one of the many jobs Addie had to do in order to help her family and Skyler. She was always sent out to find him when he’d run off, which was more often than you’d think. He just couldn’t take people sometimes, so he left. He didn’t think that was so terrible, but apparently to the rest of the world it was. He just didn’t understand logic sometimes.

“Hey there, Ana,” The boy said softly, nodding towards her. Skyler ruffled up his blond hair, looking back at the girl in front of him. They were decent friends, but Skyler had always wondered what it would be like if they were closer. Not in the relationship sense, but in the friend sense. Skyler found himself having fewer and fewer of those these days. He had decided that his best friend was his own step sister. That girl never left his side through anything. He could be going on and on about Taylor for hours and she still didn’t do anything. Addie told him to keep his head up, and to keep going even when he thought he couldn’t. Then he had Audrey. Audrey was a good friend of his, he thought. She was a bit of a party girl but none-the-less he still thought she was pretty cool. And of course there was Ana, who he desperately wanted to get to know.

When he realized he was absorbed in his own thoughts again, he shook his head, turning his attention back to Ana. “I’m decent.” He paused, looking down at the ground, then back up to her. “What about you?” He asked with a smile. Skyler pulled himself to his feet, taking a step towards the girl. “I haven’t talked to you in awhile..” The boy mused, trailing off. It was true. He couldn’t remember the last time he talked to Ana, but then again he didn’t remember much. He shoved his hands back in his pockets, feeling around for his phone. When he couldn’t find it, he remembered he left it in his jeans pocket. He was conscious about his phone, making sure he didn’t drop it or break it in any way. “How’s your summer been going?” He questioned, curiously.

[/blockquote]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 554
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

“Hey there, Ana.”

Ana smiled and watched Skyler carefully. He seemed so… awkward. From what Ana had seen of him, he was generally pretty awkward to begin with. It had to be because of Taylor’s passing, she figured. She remembered the first time she’d heard about Taylor’s death. When Skyler hadn’t shown up to Biology class in a week freshman year, she’d asked the teacher why. The day he’d come back, Ana had made sure not to mention her, or seem awkward. One thing she was good at was reading people’s feelings, and she knew that any added awkwardness or reminder of Taylor would cause Skyler to continue spiraling downward. So she’d done her best, put on a smile, and observed prophase, metaphase, anaphase, and telophase with Skyler by her side. It had been a bit uncomfortable the first few months, but Skyler had very slowly begun to regain his social nature. Ana was glad.

It pained her, though, to see him now. Clearly, he was distraught about something, and she could bet anything that something was Taylor. Ever since biology class freshman year, she’d felt some sort of a connection to Skyler, as if she was supposed to watch out for him. She always wanted to make sure he was okay, and that’s why when she passed him in the hallway, she smiled and said hi, or stopped for a quick conversation with him. Usually, she’d feel bad for someone in his situation and move on, occasionally thinking about them when there was nothing else to preoccupy her mind with. But with Skyler, it was different. He was a very… genuine kind of person, Ana had come to realize, and he wasn’t like other typical ‘jocks’. He was smart, and he cared about people. He cared about sports, too, but they didn’t consume his entire life, and he treated people with respect, which Ana liked.

“Just decent?” she questioned gently, closing the gap between them so she was a bit closer to him. She tried to keep her tone neutral and slightly curious, though not pressing, so as if to ease Skyler into the conversation instead of seeming too assertive or nosey. Shrugging at his next statement, she sighed. “I’ve been alright. Can’t complain,” she replied, smirking. Summers were often boring for Ana, and she didn’t have very many ‘close’ friends to chum around with for the majority of the vacation. I should probably change that, she mused quietly before returning her attention back to Skyler. Laughing lightly at his next comment, she nodded. “It certainly has been awhile,” she agreed. They saw each other often during school, but Ana and Skyler rarely had substantial conversations that were memorable or exciting. Their encounters always consisted of short ‘hey’s and the occasional ‘see you in science’. It was rather unfortunate.

She smirked at his next question. “It’s been alright. Nothing too special,” she admitted. Ana hadn’t been having a very eventful summer; this summer was pretty much the same as her previous ones, which consisted of going to Russia for three weeks and then coming home to absolutely nothing fun. The only difference with this summer was that she’d went on a few college tours, including visits to Berkeley and Columbia. It worried her how quickly the idea of college was approaching – within a year or so, she’d know where exactly she was going to study what would take her into her chosen career. That meant that in the near future, she’d be away from her parents, working, and on her own. That scared her, probably more than it should have; she was so content with the idea of staying in Pittsburgh that the idea of leaving terrified her.

“I stayed with my grandparents for a few weeks in Russia and I haven’t been up to much lately,” she remarked, biting down on her lip. It was weird, finally admitting that she was pretty much alone. She had no best friend, and she had no close friends, and verbally reassuring that fact brought a pang of worry to her stomach. “How’s yours been so far?” she inquired, eager for a change of subject. Perhaps asking Skyler about his summer would take the spotlight off her disconnection with her peers.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 709
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

[/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER][/blockquote]

[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Skyler had appreciated Ana’s gesture more than she would ever know. He was gone that whole week because he wasn’t ready to face all the questions, the fear, and mainly the blame. He blamed himself for so much of Taylor’s death, even though none of it was his fault. He guessed he just thought he loved her and knew her well enough to see and understand when she was hurting that bad. He had contemplated the fact that maybe she was just good at covering such things up, but it all boiled down to the fact that he couldn’t see how hurt she really was. That was one of the main reasons he blamed himself. Skyler thought that if maybe he had paid a little bit more attention he would have been able to see the pain that Taylor had been going through. He could have helped so much instead of just let her suffer through such a terrible thing. He could have saved her instead of let her slip. If he would have just tried a little bit harder and saw through all of the cover up…

Stop it. Someone’s finally socializing with you and you’re going to scare her away with bursting into some crazy rant or something. Oh right, maybe that’s because you are crazy. Just talk to her like you talked to her before and no matter what don’t say anything about Taylor. She did her best not to. The least you can do is do the same.

He always felt better around Ana. Maybe it was because of the way she felt like she had to protect him. Obviously she didn’t, but if she felt the need to he wasn’t going to stop her. He needed all the protection and friendship he could get. Skyler had really loved how Ana hadn’t brought Taylor up the day he came back. It was like she wasn’t going to treat him any differently. Everyone else was approaching him and asking him questions that he rarely had the answers to. Skyler felt terrible telling people that he had no idea what happened. It was all a lie, because he knew very well what happened. He wouldn’t budge on the subject though. He never told anybody and he never would tell anybody.

The boy had thought that just decent was a real improvement from just terrible, which was the state he had been in for such a long time. He was beginning to pull himself out of his little slump, as hard as it was. He had lots of help from Addie, who never seemed to be giving up on him. He loved her for that even though she hated doing that. She would always be the only person whoever gave him any support. "I figured decent is better than anything else," Skyler commented with a crooked smile and a soft laugh. He immediately regretted it, feeling as if he was digging for attention in saying that he hadn’t been decent in a long time. He really wasn’t though. He hadn’t asked for anybody’s help, he never cried in front of anybody, and he never talked about her to somebody else other than his sister. He shook his head, looking down at his feet. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover how he felt.

"That’s good." He said with a nod, crossing his arms across his chest. Skyler bit down on his bottom lip, looking back up at Ana. "I’m sorry it’s been so long. I should have asked for you cell phone number or something before I left for summer break. We could have kept in touch," The boy said with a sympathetic smile. "I guess I was just more focused on getting out for the break." He said with a sheepish grin. "I think everybody was." As she said she went to Russia, Skyler gave her thumbs up. "I’ve always wanted to go to a different country. It always seemed like it’d be pretty cool." He commented with a grin. He wanted to visit Italy sometime, or maybe Greece. Skyler always thought it was cool how they could scream opa and shit like that.

Skyler shrugged, ruffling his blond hair before beginning to explain his summer. "Oh you know, the usual. I didn’t really do much. I kind of just chilled with Addie and stayed home. Other than that there’s football training but that’s not really exciting," He grinned softly, shrugging. "Unless you find football training interesting," Skyler commented, biting down on his bottom lip. He didn’t find training interesting in the least. He mainly just did football to keep his mind on something other than the drama going on lately. It was like when he was running on that field he concentrated on the other players and the football, not his family and Taylor.

[/blockquote]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 806
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

“I figured decent is better than anything else.”

Skyler’s words ran through her mind, wrapping themselves around her emotions like rope. She instinctively bit down on her lip, wondering if she’d done something wrong. Of course you did something wrong. You shouldn’t have asked that question. That’s what you did wrong. Being curious can be bad. He’s probably mad at you now. Thoughts lingered in her mind, pushing angrily against her desire to stay quiet and observe him. Ana’s eyes zeroed in on the little things – a slight twitch of the smile, a gentle furrow in the brow, a minute color added to the cheeks – and found nothing out of the ordinary. It was just Skyler – Skyler Hanson from her Biology class – who was looking like his usual self, if not a little tanner and with longer hair. But he looks a little sad, she contemplated, nervously rubbing her fingers together. Was that sadness she sensed? Or maybe she was just overreacting?

Even if he wasn’t hurt or offended, Ana felt it necessary to comfort him. She’d sensed a change in the mood between them, almost as if her little question had caused a domino reaction and had triggered a new dislike for her. That was why, before Skyler could object, she placed her hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Decent is perfect,” she offered, trying to maintain the small connection between the two. The few times she saw Skyler, he was absorbed by people who were constantly hugging him, holding his hand, or offering their condolences. Ana hated that about people at Stewart; they could be the bitchiest people in the world, and when something happened, they made it worse by never letting it go and letting people deal with their own problems. That was one of the reasons why whenever she saw Skyler, she didn’t tackle him in a hug and ask him how he was doing in relation to Taylor. She cared more about his actual feelings than how he was doing without Taylor and how she could use his weakness to her advantage. In her eyes, that was common courtesy; people had to grieve through loss by themselves. No one could reach inside their soul and pull out all the heartache they felt. The only thing one could do was to sit by their side and offer their ears if the griever needed a little support. Ana truly felt that if people couldn’t get over death – the hardest thing to ever move on from – by themselves, they’d never be able to get over anything without the help of someone else.

She simpered and gently let her hand off his shoulder as he eased back into the conversation. “It’s alright. I’m a pretty boring person to hang out with, anyway, unless you like talking about ballet or record stores or my oh-so-fun trips to Russia,” she admitted, chuckling. It was only after the words had left her mouth that she’d realized how completely and utterly stupid she’d sounded saying such a thing. ‘I’m a pretty boring person to hang out with?’ Who even says that? Brushing the thought from her mind, Ana listened carefully to Skyler’s next few words. Grinning, she shook her head. “Well, Russia is pretty nice – Moscow in particular. The Red Square is beautiful. You can also go to Lenin’s tomb, too. It’s one of my favorite places that I’ve been to in Russia,” she commented, smirking. “You know… if you like going to old communists’ tombs and whatnot. I just think it’s pretty cool to see the history behind it,” she added in, hoping her remark hadn’t come off too odd. “What country do you want to go to?”

To his next comment she grinned. “I do find it interesting, actually. Football’s a lot like ballet, when you think about it. There are certain plays that you make that yield certain results and there’s always room to improvise. And you have to be coordinated and on your toes a lot – literally, if you’re talking about ballet,” she noted. Ana had been to a few football games, and from what she saw, football was a hard sport. She didn’t see why people thought football players were dumb – from what she observed, they had to be smart enough to understand the basic plays, and then think within a span of seconds and make decisions. That was pretty damn smart, if she had to say so herself, especially when one was constantly getting tackled by an opponent. She’d never be strong enough for football. Then again, that was probably because she had no athletic bone in her body. She was pretty tiny in size, and she truly had a dancer’s body – thin and flexible. Perhaps she could be the woman who sold hot dogs at the concession stand. It seemed like a respectable career choice.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 809
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

[/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER][/blockquote]

[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

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Skyler wasn’t angry with Ana in the least. He had found himself using an odd tone lately. This was mainly because he was focused on other things, so when he spoke he sounded either angry or annoyed, which he usually wasn’t. It took a lot to annoy Skyler. He’d always been rather laidback, and not a lot of things bothered him. The only thing that really bothered him was when someone tapped their foot. It made him go absolutely crazy, and as far as he knew, Ana wasn’t tapping her foot. That put her on his good list. That wasn’t the only reason Ana was on Skyler’s good list. She was probably one of the nicest girls that Skyler had ever met. He met nice girls, but none of them compared to Ana. He never got into arguments with her, and she didn’t seem so self-conscious; at least, it didn’t seem like that to Skyler. He never really knew what went on in a girl’s mind. They could be the prettiest girl in the world with the self esteem of a hobo.

When Ana touched Skyler’s shoulder, he automatically grinned. He hadn’t really had a friend there for him in a long while. He knew that it was his own fault, and he hated himself for it. Skyler honestly just wanted to get over everything. He knew he could do it on his own, but his parents insisted on therapists and having Addie check on him seven times a day. He didn’t need that. Everyone checking on him simply reminded him of everything that had happened, not helping him in the slightest. He had tried to explain that to his parents many times, but they didn’t understand. They would always say something along the lines of ‘If you can get over her yourself, then why haven’t you?’ He just found it particularly hard when there were little reminders everywhere he turned.

“Hey Ana?” He asked, looking at her and giving her a half smile. Skyler always wanted to acknowledge her for not being like the rest. He enjoyed her presence, something that he didn’t enjoy in a lot of people. Even if she didn’t say anything, he just enjoyed her being there because he knew she understood. He knew she wasn’t going to ask him a bunch of questions, or say ‘How does that make you feel?’ Most people knew how it made him feel. It made him feel absolutely miserable to the point of no return, yet they insisted on asking. He always wanted to just scream when someone asked him how he was. He didn’t need babysat like a two year old. He thought he was capable of taking care of himself.

It was true, he hated to say that he needed help at times, but he wasn’t going to need it every step of the way. He was mainly just really angry that people doubted him so much. Skyler didn’t think he was so dependant on people that he had to have them with him 24/7. In fact, he really liked to be alone. It gave him time to really think things through and overcome some of his own problems that other people couldn’t pull him through. He was sure that if everyone just let him do his own thing, he could try to go back to normal. In fact, it was his life goal at the time. He didn’t want to be alone for the rest of his life. He wanted to make more friends, go to the prom, have a new girlfriend, and he knew it would take all the strength in the world to get things back to normal.

Skyler bit down on his bottom lip, smiling over at Ana again. “I just really want to thank you.” He said softly, nodding and then glancing down at his feet. He looked back up quickly, making eye contact with her. “You’ve been a big help, even if you don’t think you have. It helps just to have someone to talk to about things other than my own issues. It makes me feel-“ He paused, trying to think of the words. “I don’t know, I guess it makes me feel more human, you know?” He inquired, giving her a crooked smile and then letting it fall. He didn’t want to get too caught up in his own issues again. It would completely defeat the purpose of the acknowledgement.

“What are you talking about? You’re not boring at all.” Skyler scoffed, chuckling a bit. At least, he didn’t think that Ana was boring. She intrigued Skyler and made him want to learn more about her. He thought that was quite the opposite of boring. “Russia sounds really cool. I’ve always wanted to visit Greece, but the reasoning is pretty stupid.” He laughed again, shaking his head. “Mainly 'cause they get to scream opa and dance a lot and their food looks really great.” Skyler mused with a nod. He felt really stupid for admitting his reason for wanting to visit Greece, but hey, at least he was honest, right?

He gave a hearty laugh, a smile on his face. “You just gave me the best mental image ever,” Skyler said with a smile. “I just kind of imagined myself in ballet shoes or whatever, and it’s not exactly a pretty picture.” He couldn’t help but laugh at his own joke, shaking his head. Skyler didn’t really care how lame he sounded at the time. He was having a conversation with a person other than Addie or his parents, and he was enjoying it greatly. He wasn’t used to it, but he figured he probably could get used to it. He wanted to become closer friends with a lot of the people he was friends with anyway. This was just the first step. Maybe it wasn’t a big leap in his life goal or anything, but it was much better than what he had been doing for the past eleven months. He figured if he continued to socialize like this, it would really improve his quality of life; something he was looking forward to more than anything.

[/blockquote]
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LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 1,029
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

A surge of happiness made its way through Ana’s system when Skyler smiled at her touch. Well, at least she was doing something right. Though she and Skyler were pretty good friends, she felt no less awkward around him than she did around anyone else. In a way, Ana’s awkwardness was built into her; she needed it to survive and continue being the person she was. By nature, Ana was never very social or openly affectionate. She tended to stay cooped up within her own shell, preferring to watch others and learn their tendencies before acting on her instincts. This was good in the sense that if a particular person wasn’t good-hearted, Ana could steer clear of them; however, her overly analytical side also worked against her. More often than not, Ana was criticized by her friends as being “too critical” of most situations. Even her roommate had noticed how much Ana tended to think before she acted.

It was all right in Anastasiya’s mind, though. She felt like she knew people better after analyzing them to pieces. There were things that people would never admit – simple things like “I sing in the shower”, and deeper things like “I’m cold-hearted and untrusting”. These facets, Ana realized, could only be seen through a critical eye. Ana’s reasoning for analyzing everything was not because she was scared or worried about others’ opinions. Her argument was that it helped her gain a better view of situations. And that it did; but, even after that, Ana was still painfully shy. She didn’t know what it was about her that liked to shy away from the spotlight or what caused her to seek solitude in a room full of camaraderie.

Anastasiya’s reserved nature had also led her to become untrusting and more fearful than was necessary. Through observation, she’d seen that people – mostly teenagers – were not what they appeared to be. There was always an ulterior motive, and there was always something irrelevant that needed to be achieved. That was the one reason the majority of friendships existed in Stewart; Bethany Smith was friends with Heather Sinclair to get closer to her boyfriend, Sweeney Todd was hooking up with Candice Cook to score points with his friends. Teenagers were cunning at best and manipulative, conniving scoundrels at worst. For that reason, Ana hadn’t bestowed her trust in anyone at Stewart, even Skyler.

Sure, Skyler was a good friend, but he hadn’t done anything to truly gain her trust. In Ana’s eyes, people could trust her all they wanted – that didn’t necessarily mean she had to trust them back, though. She’d seen the most innocent of students get lured in by the many traps at Stewart – the “best friend”, the “caring boyfriend”, the “shoulder to cry on” – and she wasn’t going to be another to fall for the tricks. She’d find someone worth her trust eventually. Besides, there was no reason to reveal her addiction to just anyone – she didn’t want her squeaky-clean image tarnished with the words “druggie” and “addict”. She would rather spare herself the humiliation and be untrusting than give away her trust and have her world come crashing down.

Still, that she’d made Skyler feel better made Ana happy. “You’re welcome,” she offered, a small smile making its way onto her features. “I’m always here if you want to talk about anything. I know how you feel, though. Sometimes people need to realize that they don’t need to be a psychologist to everyone if they really want to see the person get better.” She knew from first-hand experience. Once her addiction was known, her frequent visits to the psychologist coupled with her parents’ nervous voices had sent Ana overboard. Their overly affectionate tendencies had hindered rather than encourage her progress.

Ana chuckled when Skyler corrected her statement. “Well, thank you. I’m glad I’m not boring, then,” she remarked, simpering. She grinned at his next explanation. “Greece is really cool, too. I’ve never been there, I mean, but it seems fascinating. I’d just be so intrigued by the history there. The ancient civilizations there and in Rome are like poster-children for Western civilization today. I want to visit Rome, though. It’s weird and cool to think that you could be walking the same cobble-stones as Julius Caesar, or that you’re visiting the same Pantheon that so many people passed through thousands of years ago. I guess you can say the same for any place, but it just seems so apparent there. You can feel it,” she commented, stopping once she realized how long she’d actually talked. It took Ana a moment to realize that this wasn’t a history essay, it was a conversation, and she’d just rambled on for a minute about how much Ancient Rome fascinated her. Brilliant.

Her lengthy rambling had once again occupied Anastasiya’s mind and she didn’t realize Skyler’s mildly lame comment about himself in ballet shoes. “You in ballet shoes and me in a football uniform – I think the world just might end,” she remarked, smirking. Still, her lengthy speech had annoyed her. Why would he care about how you want to go to Rome? Does he want to go to Rome too? Who wouldn’t want to go to Rome?“Do you want to go to Rome?” Ana blurted out, not realizing how awkward of a question that was after talking about ballet and football. She was curious, though, and there was no use in fretting over the question now that she’d asked it. “My father has been there. He says it’s gorgeous. My mother has, too. She enjoys Switzerland more, though. She says there’s nothing more calming than standing at the edge of a lake with the mountains surrounding you, just watching everything play out. I don’t know where I would be more happy, though. Russia is a good mix of both – it has the history and it has the scenery,” she explained, each word runnier than the next.

Dear God, please sew my lips shut for my birthday. Love, Anastasiya.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 1,074
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

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[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

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Skyler wasn’t so sure why he felt so secure around Ana. Maybe it was because he was the only one yet to judge him, and he liked that. He liked having a friend that wasn’t going to bitch at him if he makes a connection to Taylor. Lately, he had learned to keep those kinds of things to himself. It’s not like he had a lot of people to talk to and pushing them away with memories of his lost lover was probably not the best idea. The fact of the matter was he didn’t want to think about Taylor right now. She lurked his memory so much that he was beginning to hate her. He never thought he’d be able to do that. All of a sudden he felt absolutely terrible for thinking that. He knew he was beginning to, and soon enough he’d be overwhelmed with hate. One of the therapists had told him that. What did they know? They actually predicted something right for once?

Suddenly it was like everything was clear now. It was kind of like an epiphany. If he hated her then he wouldn’t have to think of her anymore. Skyler wasn’t so sure that would work. He found that if he hated a person, then he thought about them more. He didn’t want to hate her though. He wanted to have a happy medium that kept her satisfied up in the clouds and kept him satisfied with himself, something he hadn’t accomplished yet. Once he was satisfied with himself he was sure that he could overcome his obstacles and make more friends. He didn’t want to be the only senior not to go to the prom, or the only boy without a girlfriend the last year of school. He honestly wanted to move on with his life.

His smile widened when Ana offered him somebody to talk to. She wasn’t the first, but her offer actually sounded sincere. Skyler nodded in thanks, but he felt like that wasn’t the right kind of gratitude. He needed to say something more instead of just nodding her way. “Thanks so much, Ana,” He began, crossing his arms across his chest as the breeze picked up a bit. Sure, it was summer and most of the time it was blistering hot, but nightfall had finally come and he was feeling the effects of the dark. He took his seat back down in the grass again, feeling ten times shorter than he really was. Skyler wasn’t a tall boy, but he wasn’t a shrimp either. After all, football players were not shrimps.

”I just can’t express my gratitude, really. I mean I know it doesn’t seem like much to you, but to have just one person on the face of the earth understand me-“ He paused, raising a brow at what he said, then shrugged it off. “It’s making things a lot easier.” Skyler gave her a soft smile. It wasn’t a fake smile like the ones he would throw to people in the halls, in pictures, or to try to get people off of his back. It was that true Skyler smile that shone through everything when he was actually happy.

How could Ana think she was boring? She had easily entertained him in Biology. Then again, Skyler always thought that Biology was a rather entertaining subject anyway. He didn’t like it per say, but getting to have small talk with a person and not have those other people poking at you about your issues was quite refreshing in a way. He was pleased to have her as a lab partner. “I don’t know why you think you’re boring.” Skyler stated, shrugging. He realized he had sat down and made himself comfortable and left Ana sitting up there. “By the way, you can sit down if you want. It’s not my park,” He chuckled.

If Skyler knew how Ana thought, he’d probably do his best to change her mind completely. He hated seeing girls with low self-esteem, or just doubts in them. He had helped Addie through it and he intended to help other girls through it. He wasn’t quite sure how to do that other than become a school counselor or something. It was odd that he might aspire to do that, considering they were the things that he was trying to avoid at this very moment. He shook his head at the idea. He wanted to help people. Maybe he could be a social worker. He really had no idea what he was going to do with his future, except for the fact that he wanted to help people. That was a good thing, or so he hoped.

“Actually I do want to go to Rome,” He said with a smile. “You know, again, because of the food,” Skyler laughed, ruffling up his blond hair. He had always wondered why he wasn’t obese. He ate as much as a full grown obese man, but seemed to keep his shape. It was probably from all the football and working out he did. He knew that’s how he got Addie to get fit. He didn’t make her play football, but he had her working out daily with him. It did keep a lot of extra baggage off. He was pleased with the way he looked. If there was anything he was pleased with himself about; that would be it.

Skyler nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. “I think I’d probably enjoy Russia.” He began, giving a small shrug. “I think I’d enjoy anywhere but the United States. We’re going to kill everybody off this country,” He commented, shaking his head. He wished it wasn’t true, but he knew with all the war and terrorism going on that something bad was definitely going to happen. Skyler was not as interested in history as Ana seemed to be. He wished he was more interested. That way, he could not only ace Biology, but he could also ace history. That would make his report card look a whole lot better.

[/blockquote]
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LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 1,011
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

“Of course,” Ana responded with a smile, choosing her words carefully. In a situation like this one, she felt it would be wrong to say ‘no problem’. She’d never really liked that expression anyway – she always understood that ‘no problem’ implied that there was a problem to begin with, and that was clearly not the case in the majority of situations the phrase was used in. She still found herself using it far too often, though, and each time she would have the exact same thought process and reprimand herself for using it. Perhaps she was thinking too much about it. It was a vicious circle.

Ana really did understand what Skyler meant, though. Though she hadn’t lost someone close to her, she’d lost quite a bit of herself a few years ago. Back then, there hadn’t been a soul in the world who could connect to poor Ana. Back then, there was no meaning in her life other than the pills. They kept her alive and breathing. They kept her systems running by forcing them to recharge when she slept. If it wasn’t for the pills, Ana would be sick in the present. Though she wasn’t sick now, she had been sick then with the psychological and side effects of the sleeping aids. Her appetite would be completely shot, her mind in a haze, and she’d only look forward to the moment when she could pop a few more pills.

No one was there for her then, and no one was there for her now. All her life, Ana had pretty much been on her own. There wasn’t one person she could trust other than herself – not even her parents. After their lack of attention throughout the years of addiction, her trust in them had been broken. She hated to admit it, but she was painfully closed off from her peers and the family members most people could trust with their lives. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a best friend, either, or at least someone who would listen to her when she broke down. Then again, that was partially because of her parents – the last time she’d confided in them, it had led to her addiction. Ana’s rationale was that no one really understood her thoughts like she did. Only she could look out for her best interests, and that upset her easily. The fact that not one person was there to listen to her seemed to speak volumes about her persona.

“Having someone who understands you is a necessity,” she agreed. It was a necessity that Ana unfortunately didn’t have, and to her dismay, that fact probably wouldn’t be changing any time soon. From what she’d observed of people, no one would take the time to care about silly old Ana. Girls overlooked her because she was shy; boys overlooked her because she didn’t look like a Playboy model. Her parents were wrapped up in their lives. That left Ana and only Ana to care about herself. She felt incredibly selfish when she really thought about it, though. The love of Skyler’s life had passed away and he wasn’t complaining; why should she?

She let his comment about her boringness slide. Ana knew she wasn’t a very interesting person – she was… well… she was Ana – and she would admit it. She wouldn’t argue with his comment, though, because she didn’t want to seem rude. Telling Skyler that she was indeed boring would be like saying “Oh, I’m not really” when someone called her pretty. She’d never been very good with compliments to begin with. “I’m not really sure,” she offered simply, smiling. As he offered for her to sit down, Ana realized she’d been standing the entire time. Lowering herself down to the ground, she took the space beside him. “Thanks,” she added.

Ana chuckled lightly at his comment about Rome’s food. “Well, you can’t beat Italian food, that’s for sure,” she agreed, simpering slightly. “You might not like Russian food, though. It is all very… watery, almost. We have a lot of soups – cold soups, because it’s cold up there – and they’re not very delicious or nutritious. But even though I don’t drink much, I know we have great alcohol,” she added in all seriousness. Well, it was true – Smirnoff had to come from somewhere!

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 721
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

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[skyler hanson]

I COULD STAY AWAKE JUST TO HEAR YOU BREATHING

[/color][/font]
watch you smile while you are sleeping ,[/color][/font]
WHILE YOU'RE FAR AWAY IN DREAMIN'[/color][/font]

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Skyler nodded in response to her saying of course. He had the same problem with the words ‘you’re welcome’. Honestly, when somebody says thank you, Skyler would much rather here of course instead of you’re welcome. You’re welcome to what? It didn’t make any sense to him. He had had this discussion with his step-father once, and it all amounted up to him saying ‘Skyler, you have way too much time on your hands to be thinking about that kind of stuff.’ Skyler had always wanted to meet his real father, only because he would probably be much more similar to him than Jon Tyler ever was or ever would be. He wasn’t his birth father; therefore they didn’t share hardly any of the same attributes. He figured his real father probably would have had the answer as to why people say you’re welcome. He shook his head, going over his thoughts.

He had always wondered what a real father figure in his life would have been like. Would it have been the amazing bond he saw between a father and a son when they shared a love of football? Or would it be more like his mother and his sister, where Addie was more focused on school and Jennifer wanted her to be focused on things like dances and social events. The thoughts always seemed to wander into his head at the wrong times. When Anna said it was a necessity to have somebody that understood you, he began to wonder if his father would have been that person if he was around. To be honest, Skyler wondered where he was every day at one point in time. It wasn’t like Jennifer had him young or anything; she was thirty six, meaning she had him when she was 20. He couldn’t have been younger than her. He knew his mother well. He knew that if he had gotten Taylor pregnant at age 20, he wouldn’t have left.

Then again, he also wondered if Jennifer told him he couldn’t be involved in his life. He’d heard of people saying that to their baby’s fathers before. Well, at least, he had seen it on television. He’d never heard of it in real life unless the baby was a rape baby or the father didn’t want to be involved. He figured it was neither of those, and his father just up and left before he was even born. If he never saw the baby, he wouldn’t feel attached, and if he didn’t feel attached to him then he would have no problem leaving his son afraid and alone. Though sometimes he had to wonder if the thought of him ever crossed the man’s mind. He wasn’t even sure what his father looked like. He’d seen one picture of him when he was with his mother, and they were much younger. He figured that they couldn’t have been much older then sixteen themselves. He realized he did look a lot like the man. Their sandy blond hair, crooked smiles and bright blue eyes shining through to the person looking at the picture was all the same. It made Skyler want to meet him, when he didn’t even know his name.

Of course, he had found himself absorbed in his own thoughts again. He lifted his head nodded in agreement. “It really is, and there always is one person, even if you think there isn’t, that is going to do their best to understand you.” Skyler said, rather matter-of-factly. He took a hand full of grass pulling it up from the ground and sprinkling it back over the land. “That is the main reason I’m not a big fan of those emo kids or whatever,” Skyler said with a chuckle. “Then they always say that they wish their parents would understand them, or they wished the world was a better place and everyone else would understand. But it’s not true, because someone does understand.” Skyler finished, taking his other hand and ruffling his blond hair again.

Skyler was beginning to realize how much of a pig he must have sounded like. He ate like one, which was for sure. But Ana was right. You really couldn’t beat Italian food. They made one of the most terrible foods in the world taste so amazing, which in Skyler’s opinion, was tomatoes. They were round and red and sour, but when you poured the sauce over pasta and mixed in a bunch of different cheese, it was pure bliss. Skyler’s eyes widened as he realized how poetic his thoughts about food sounded. He didn’t want to grow up and become some obese camel or anything. That wouldn’t be good.

He chuckled about her comment on alcohol. “When I turn 21, I should go to Russia instead of some random bar in Pittsburgh. We don’t have the best party scene or anything.” The boy suggested, turning his body so he was facing Ana instead of just sitting next to her.

[/blockquote]
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LYRIC CREDIT aerosmith
BANNER CREDIT COURTNEY <3 of caution.
TEMPLATE CREDIT LIZZ SAY WERD ?!
THREADING WITH alyssa !
HOW MANY WORDS 831
POST STATUS complete.
[/center][/size]

[anastasiya ivanov]

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

[/CENTER]

Ana’s father was a lot like Skyler’s. He answered her stupid questions, he contemplated an odd thought, he liked to watch people. He was easily one of the smartest people Ana knew. Even if he wasn’t her dad, he’d still be one of the smartest people she’d ever met, at least when it came to remembering facts and figures. With people, he was horrible. She’d always figured that was why her parents were married. Aleksandr did everything by-the-book, he looked for patterns, and he was highly unemotional at times when emotion was needed. Valeriya was the complete opposite – she was free-spirited, radical, and forward-thinking. She was the kind of girl who took what was handed to her, no matter how small, and made something beautiful out of it. They were polar opposites, yet they’d stayed happily married for years.

There were times when Ana wondered if she’d ever get married and live like her parents. If she did, she figured she wouldn’t have children – if she was anything like her parents, she wouldn’t know what was best for her kids when they needed it the most. Ana wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There was one big problem with her thoughts of a nuclear family, though. Being married entailed having a significant other – someone who loved every bit of you and would accept you for who you were. In all honesty, Ana highly doubted she’d meet someone like that. She was horrible with relationships because she overanalyzed every situation and made things entirely too awkward. She’d had one boyfriend her entire life – Gary Warren in the seventh grade – and he’d broken up with her after three weeks. “She’s too quiet,” he’d said at first, and then “she over-thought everything, like I would get mad at her if she didn’t do something right. It was kind of weird.”

Ana had acted like his silly comments hadn’t hurt her. In reality, they did, a lot. It was enough to turn Ana away from relationships thus far. It wasn’t like anyone would ever want to be in a relationship with her, though – she was just another girl (alone at the bar). She was a plain Jane. She was the girl who could possibly be pretty if she had a little confidence in herself, who could light up a room if she only gave herself the chance. She wouldn’t give herself that chance, though, because of what Gary had said four years ago. It was true that she was an entirely different person now – in seventh grade, she’d been a gangly little girl with broken English and empty eyes, and now she was a graceful young woman who could speak eloquently if she thought about it hard enough. That didn’t matter, though, because Ana knew she was still the same in many aspects, including the ones Gary had noted, and she couldn’t check that.

The thought of relationships made the subject even more depressing to talk about. “ It really is, and there always is one person, even if you think there isn’t, that is going to do their best to understand you.” Ana smirked, ready to counter Skyler’s comment. She hadn’t met that person yet. Then again, she was that person to a lot of people. She’d genuinely listen and care. Maybe those people weren’t supposed to be cared about? She didn’t really know. “Yeah,” she stated quietly, not agreeing with or denying his comment. Ana figured that would be best – there would be nothing to elaborate on if she didn’t make a big deal out of it. “Emo kids confuse me. How do they see if their hair is covering half their head… I would not know,” she added, shrugging.

Ana’s lips twitched up into a small smirk at his next comment. “I’m not sure how great the party scene is in Russia,” she explained truthfully. Her family had left when she was young, and she hadn’t paid much attention to what the clubs were like whenever she went. “I’m not much into parties,” she admitted, realizing how lame she sounded. What kind of high school student didn’t like parties? And what kind of Russian didn’t like alcohol? Clearly, she was an unfaithful student… and Russian.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
STATUS • complete
WORD COUNT • 703
LYRICS • sweet surrender – sarah mclachlan
CREDIT • AMANDA IN WONDERLAND !? @ CAUTION

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